


What Hurts (And What Hurts Most)

by QuietDarkness



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-30
Updated: 2017-06-30
Packaged: 2018-11-21 13:35:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 684
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11358573
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QuietDarkness/pseuds/QuietDarkness
Summary: Rodney's been hurting. And John's the cure.





	What Hurts (And What Hurts Most)

**Author's Note:**

> (Just a quick little angsty, fluffy one shot. Enjoy!)

The first time John Sheppard held Rodney McKay, it was no big deal. 

Or at least that's what Rodney tried to tell himself, over and over again on repeat like some sort of pathetic mantra. 

Rodney was in shock and bleeding and shaking like an earthquake was raging through his bones. The cave they'd taken shelter in offered little to no warmth, and the torrent of rain outside didn't help any. “I've got ya, buddy.” John had said in that ever comforting way of his, tugging Rodney firmly into his side, wrapping both arms tightly around his trembling form. And all Rodney could think was, 'It hurts a little less, now.'

When Ronon and Tayla finally found them, got them to the Stargate, got them home, Rodney couldn't help but feel like he'd lost something. It took him a full day to realize what he'd lost had been John's arms.

* * *

The first time John Sheppard held Rodney McKay's hand, it was no big deal... right?

The mantra wasn't working this time.

Rodney had a headache that didn't want to quit and about four projects not even close to being completed, not to mention a pile of paperwork that Elizabeth wanted ASAP. But he couldn't concentrate beyond the throbbing in his temples, the pulsing in his forehead. “You need some fresh air.” John had said in the middle of the night when most of Atlantis was fast asleep. When Rodney tried to protest, it was John's hand grabbing his own, tugging him to his feet, pulling him down the hallway toward the pier that made his mind go blank. And all Rodney could think was, 'My head doesn't hurt anymore.' 

When Rodney went to bed that night, he knew right away that something was missing. Something important. John's hand in his.

* * *

The first time Rodney McKay told John Sheppard how he felt, it was a real big deal. 

The sort of thing that couldn't be taken back. 

The hallucinogenic spore that infected half of Atlantis had taken Rodney's inhibitions and thrown them out the window. He'd practically thrown himself at John, muttering how much he needed him, how much he yearned for his touch, how much he adored his stupid lopsided grin... that he was completely and immovably in love with him. “Rodney... you don't know what you're saying.” John had said, firmly but gently pushing Rodney into a chair and calling for Beckett over the radio. And all Rodney could do was stare, and think, 'This hurts more than anything.'

And when the spore was out of his system, he couldn't look John in the eye anymore. 'I was wrong, that hurts worse.'

* * *

The first time John Sheppard kissed Rodney McKay, it was the biggest deal of all.

It was surprising, welcome, wonderfully painful in the best sort of way.

Because John had nearly died. They found him after two days and nights surviving in the ocean alone, wading in water, sunburned and thirsty and starving. But he was home now, and he was recooperating. And he was alive. And that was all that mattered to Rodney. Till John pulled him aside with shaking hands. John held his face, trembling fingers slipping into Rodney's hair. John whispered, lips hovering, “I need you to know...” And then it was warm lips, hot breath, stubbled skin, silky tongues. It was John's hands pulling him in, holding him fast. It was John's body up against his. It was everything Rodney thought he would never be allowed. And when the kiss ended, it was John's eyes warm and sparkling, it was John's words becoming a new mantra in Rodney's mind, “I love you, too.”

And nothing had ever hurt so much, and felt so good. And Rodney poured out that pain and rightness into one more kiss. Because of all the things Rodney McKay had ever experienced or done or known, this was the biggest deal to ever be dealt. And as they talked away the night and affirmed things that needed saying, Rodney couldn't help but think, 'I've never hurt less.' 

And that... well, that was everything...


End file.
